My dear friend,

Christmas is almost here—can you believe it? The lights are going up, the air feels colder, and somehow the world feels both softer and more fragile at once. I’ve been thinking a lot about this season, about what it means to look back before we look forward, and how faithful God has been in the slow, quiet ways I often don’t notice until I pause.

So today, I wanted to write to you as someone who has seen God’s hand in the messy, beautiful, humbling parts of life this year, because God has been so, so good. And I want to tell you why.

1. Thankful for Community—

Even When It Hurts

Friend, I have to be honest with you: community is beautiful, but community can also hurt.

This season, I’ve walked through moments where bitterness began to creep into the corners of my heart. There were times when I felt like serving my friends had began to feel like a burden, to the points where meeting her during lifegroup felt heavy! This though, is not the full story, and will be for another letter to write…

And then I listened to a podcast by John Mark Comer. He was going through the series on Community, and it was just so wonderful. I began to understand that community goes deep because love goes deep. And because love goes deep, wounds can go deep. But, it is also the place where we journey together with other children of God. Tyler Staton mentions in his podcast, going through a series of a Prayer Shaped Life, that there is no perfect church; There never has been, and there never will be. That makes sense! Churches are filled with people, and people are imperfect. But what matters is not perfection—it’s repentance. He mentions that a community quick to sin is human, but a community quick to repent is what we should be aiming for.

And in my own church, through all the complexities, I found what truly matters: friends who encourage me, a spiritual family that prays with me, and moments of unity that speak Truth.

As I walked with my community through some of the most difficult seasons, God used them not only to bless me in my fight against loneliness, but also to teach me that He truly works in and through His people. Even when I felt burdened—whether from loneliness or from the weight of certain friendships—I found release in serving my community, and relief in honestly sharing my struggles with trusted members. And in moments of pain, when confession revealed my own self-centeredness, I found comfort and encouragement as we prayed together.

This season, I learned something about community: serving people softens the heart, and praying with people humbles the soul.

2. Thankful God Is Using Me—

Small Moments, Big Miracles

One of the most surprising things this year was witnessing how God used me—not in grand, dramatic ways, but in quiet, personal ways that left me speechless.

Let me tell you the first story.

Every Tuesday, I travel to a neighboring city to teach. It’s a bit far from the church café where I volunteer, so I never expect to see my students there. But one day, I looked up—and there was one of my students standing right outside the café, pondering whether he should buy coffee.

I froze. And then, I got excited. And then, I started jumping up and down, waving my hands in unexpected gladness! What was he doing here? How did he end up in a place that’s part of my church community? After he did a double take to see if he really saw his teacher, we begin to converse. The pastor’s wife was present to tell him about how the café was also a church, and that he was welcome to come. He emailed me that evening, and told me he was interested in coming to church.

He did show up the next day. After the service, my pastor shared that this student put his hand up to accept Jesus. What a miracle. God works in ways that make no sense until you look back and realize everything was perfectly planned.

I have another story.

I have a friend who’s been struggling so heavily with anxiety and uncertainty about her future. She told me she felt like her prayers were bouncing off the ceiling—like God wasn’t hearing her anymore. She did not feel loved by God anymore. On Sunday, we prayed together. And on Monday, I was on my way to the subway, commuting to work. I felt the sudden urge to text her, and with no hesitation, I sent, “Thinking of you. God loves you.”

To which she replied:
“I was literally crying this morning when I got this. So happy and I’ll be okay because of prayer and your message!! Thank you so much really”

Just to clarify, I do not have magical intuition. I am not that spiritually discerning on my own. That was the Holy Spirit. God was at work. And moments like these—small, gentle, perfectly timed—remind me that God truly sees and listens. Not just to me, but through me.

Every morning when I pray using ACTS, I give thanks in advance for how God will work that day. And seeing Him move before my eyes… it strengthens my faith every single time.

3. Thankful for the Journey of Surrender

This part of my letter is hard to write, but necessary.

This year, I realized I had a deep fear inside me—one I never named until now:
“What if I surrender fully to God and He gives me something I don’t like?”

Have you ever felt that before? Did you have a fear of losing control? A fear of the unknown? A fear that God’s plan might be good, but not good for you?

I think my fear came from my desire to control outcomes—relationships, interactions, plans… I wanted life to follow my expectations. And when it didn’t? I used to crumble inside. Disappointment hit me like a wave every time something didn’t go “right.”

But God has been teaching me something new:
When I control everything, I carry everything. When God controls everything, His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Friend, that is SO true. And I’m learning—slowly—that surrender is not losing. Surrender is receiving. Surrender is rest. Surrender is trust in motion.

And I don’t think it’s one big moment; it’s a daily choice and a repetition until it becomes a daily habit to surrender every single minute. My expectations? Lord, I surrender. My fears? Lord, I surrender. My outcomes? Lord, I surrender. My control? Lord, I surrender.

And the more I let go, the more I see God working instead of me working. I feel so free! And when I feel chained again by my own burdens, Spirit I pray that you come and help me release them again; so much so that taking captive of these lies and making it obedient to the Word of God becomes a habit.

4. Loneliness, Possessiveness,

and the Gentle Correction of God

This is also vulnerable, but I want to share it with you.

Loneliness has a way of stirring things in me I didn’t know were there. It made me cling tightly—too tightly—to this boy that I really like. I realized I am a very possessive person, when it comes to relationships.

When we don’t meet, I feel disappointed. If our plans are cancel, I feel very hurt. If we don’t talk, I feel forgotten and unloved. Several issues that has happened these past few months were a result of my possessiveness.

I have been praying for God to show my crush what a Christian lifestyle looks like. He isn’t Christian, but I prayed that God would give him opportunities to truly understand church community, truly understand to live in Christ.

One night, our dinner plans were suddenly canceled. He said a church member invited him to sleep over, and he could not say no. Clearly, that was my prayer being answered.

And yet—my heart sank. I felt upset, jealous, abandoned. Why was I upset when God was answering my prayer? And then, it hit me: My disappointment didn’t come from love. It came from self-centeredness.

I wanted God to move… but not in a way that disrupted my plans. I wanted God to work… but not if it meant letting go of control. I wanted him to grow… but I still wanted to hold on tightly.

God, I release my sense of control. I release my fear of loneliness. I release my possessiveness. I release my insecurity. Spirit, come and lay Your hands on me. Slowly, gently, patiently, God is teaching me to let go. To trust Him with the person I care about. To trust Him with my loneliness. To trust Him with my heart. Jesus, infatuate me with Your love.

Psalm 23

¹ The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
² He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
³     He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.
⁴ Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.
⁶ Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.

People cannot lead me to green pastures. People cannot restore my soul. People cannot renew my strength.

Only God can. God leads me. God provides for me. God restores me. God strengthens me. Not people. Not relationships. Not expectations. Not community.

God leads me to green pastures. Not people.

I am thankful that surrender isn’t scary—not when the One I surrender to is a Shepherd who leads me to peace. I am thankful that God is faithful. I am thankful that God is gentle. I am thankful that God is working. I am thankful that God leads me to green pastures.

A Prayer for You

Lord,
As we enter this Christmas season,
lead us beside peaceful streams.
Restore our strength.
Remind us that You, not people,
are our Shepherd.

Teach us the beauty of surrender.
Fill every lonely place
with Your presence.

Bless our community,
our friendships,
our relationships.

Let Your goodness and mercy
follow us into the new year.
And may we rest in the truth
that You are always leading us
to green pastures.

Amen.